May 24, 2017

Do African Men Make Better Husbands?

CHINYERE'S BLOG I went to a mini-conference the other day in New York about gender inequality.  Then during a 30-minute lunch recess, some of the women gathered together and an argument erupted as to whether African men are better husbands than their African-American counterparts.  The argument erupted because one of the women, an African-American, thought she was defending African women but what she did was open a hornet's nest.  I am sure she meant no harm but we the African women there lashed at her, especially when we believed she was insulting us.  She innocently began, "The way African men treat their wives like they are their maids is very sad," she said.  But before she could even finish, we all jumped all over her and shouted "stop right there." One of the ladies jumped up and pointing a finger at her, shouted "Africans are better husbands than African-American men.  Before you told us you were married for three years, if your husband was such a great husband who didn't treat you like a maid, why did you leave him or he left you?  I am tired of you Americans always putting African women down as if we don't know anything, as if we are just "mummus" (all of us who knew what a "mummu" means burst into laughter, which means stupid).  Let me tell you something, I've been married for 15 years, I am a  medical doctor and so is my husband.  The fact that I come home and make dinner for the family doesn't mean that I am a maid.  It is my upbringing.  Back home, of course, I would have a maid. I do this because that's how my mother brought me up." Then I chimed in and said, "I take great offense at you claiming my husband treats me like a maid.  I am a lawyer and I have been married for 8 years.  How many African households have you ever visited to see how we interact with our husbands in the house?  We have two children, and yes, I cook and clean but that doesn't make me a maid.  I respect my husband and he respects me.  For reasons I don't want to say I will never marry an African-American man." Well, with that outburst, you would think that a lightning struck us as a quiet descended on us.  We looked at one another.  But it was the African-American lady who broke the ice.  She said, "Wow you all don't have to gang up on me, I was only trying to defend African women." We all looked at one another and thought how stupid she sounded, but there was no time to continue the conversation.  However, the question still remains, "Do African men make better husbands than African-American men?"

Comments

  1. Dear Chinyere,

    I am married to a Nigerian, and wearing the head-tie, called Gele, has become a bone of contention in our marriage. I tried many times to tie and never succeeded, but then I went and bought ready-made one as the people call it. But I feel very uncomfortable wearing. It is not only bulky, it just makes nauseous. I can’t even enter the car except I take it off. during the summer, I sweat like a hog.

    Must I really wear this every time we go to big functions? My husband insists I must wear it, he says it is traditional. I am determined to stop wearing it, what do you think?

    • Dear Ashley,

      I know you want to make your husband happy, at least you tried by even going to buy a ready-made Gele. But if it makes you uncomfortable, then just tell him you can’t continue to wear it.

      • I am a Greek white woman living in UK, married to an Igbo Nigerian man who has been showing all the characteristics Treysha mentions and in addition discovered that that 2 months ago on his last visit in Nigeria he married an Igbo woman which he claims was forced to do for family reasons. Now tell me how do I justify to my son?! What does that teach my son?! What future can my family have after all the cheats and lies?! If I knew this would happen to me I would never had allow my self to love him and fell in love with him but moreover would never had a family with him.

  2. Baika Mwessy says:

    I am a Tanzanian man

    Do not compare two different things,
    African-American people have no culture because where they are is not their origin.
    African people have their culture; and one of their culture is a wife to respect to her husband.
    I am in marriage for about 15 years; but it is not true that my wife serves for every thing; sometimes we share some domestic works to serve time and money. Instead of having house maid, she can play part as a maid and me I can do another tasks at home.

    • Somewhere in DC says:

      Africans and anyone else who says that African-Americans have no culture are incorrect! -Check your facts.
      We have our own culture and it is indeed different from continental African cultures. If you live in the US, you and many others have benefited from our culture in many ways. It is African americans hard work and culture that has made America the tolerable place that it is today- our music, our food, our language, our traditions, our churches, our organizations. We dont have to babble in a foreign language, wear fancy clothes, have a chief, and eat goat, fufu, and bush meat to have a culture.

      • MissLady says:

        Amen

      • Tricey says:

        THANK YOU!!!! I get so tired of mofos saying that we don’t have culture just because it’s different. We are have become a separate entity of black people so our culture unfortunately started with slavery but it has spawned a US president and leaders of the free world. Seems pretty darn good to me

      • You wrong right there. I find Black American men which most are not fit to be a husband. They have no culture, have multiple unwed baby mamas and don’t even take care of their children. Nope, they are not responsible and can’t handle a family. Black women in America do a lot better then them. American Black men are lazy and expect their women to take care of them. Nope, I am not attractive to them.

        • What are you talking about.? African men has multiple unwed baby mamas all over the WORLD!!! . yeah they will marry you at first but only to get citizenship then they leave your ass in the dust to go back to Africa and marry some 16 year old virgin. Which is better? When you finally do get an African American men to commit lol he is there for life.you don’t have to worry about if its a scam or not. Or if he is going to marry another chick, or think it is his right to beat your ass…etc Read some of the comments below from women who have experienced these treacherous types of African men. Not to mention the numerous stories across the net from women in these situations. And in America there seems to be way more bad ones than good ones.

          If you would pick up a book and learn some history and have compassion. ..you would know that a
          AA here have been oppressed so bad and when you have your culture and very life force taken from you in such a brutal manner it is not easy to get it back. Our men were conditioned to live away from their families through slavery. The only way to survive was too emotionally detach. I am NOT saying it’s right on saying it is what it is and we should try to help these guys instead of sitting back on our high judgement seats. American slavery has been one of the worst in the world and that the identity was taken away. Instead of walking around acting like you are so much better recognize Africans live in the country & enjoy the liberties that were built with OUR blood sweat tears and in the loss of our identity. Clearly Africa must not be that great or else you wouldn’t be coming over here in droves. Using whatever method however deceitful and wrong to get citizenship to bring more of y’all over here. Stay your asses is in your country if you so much better. because truthfully over here you are not a king or a queen you are just another n***** to the people who run everything so don’t get it twisted.

          If the people in the forum had any common sense you would have tried to hear out the woman out instead of attacking her. And then being proud of attacking a person who was obviously trying to defend you makes YOU look stupid. the way I see it if I work 40 hours just like he works 40 hours I don’t see why I should have to come home and clean everything take care of the children and serve Him hand in foot when we both bring in money. If I was a housewife that is a completely different story. So yes we were raised to be strong independent and don’t understand when people allow the men in their lives do completely run themand treat them with such blatant disrespect.The owner of this blog better be glad I wasn’t there cuz I would have NOT backed down. I KNOW in TRUTH that in certain parts of Africa it’s more about keeping an appearance up than anything and even if the african women didn’t enjoy the way they were treated they wouldn’t say anything. Yall will stick together in your lies I will give you that ! lol I get so sick of Africans acting like they are better than us!!!! I married my Senegalese man because he is fine, works hard, respects me, and is a good man in general. Not because he is African. Would be the same if he was any nationality. He treats me the way I allow him to treat me. When I first met him he tried that domineering s*** and I told him if that’s how he wants to live its life its fine with me but you are not going to talk to me anyway question, you are not going to hit me, and you will help me out around the house. I honestly think he love me more because of that. Honestly I have been on his facebook in all his friends are beautiful African women. if he wanted a doormat he could have won lol sorry that was kind of low but it ain’t gone be too much more dissing my African American men…they still my people!

          • Mrs.Sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends now he was a great hard working man though.
            But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and love my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common with my AA exhusband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together and for the most part he treats me good.

            His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you I wish I was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement Alone pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Mrs.Sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends now he was a great hard working man though.
            But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and love my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common with my AA exhusband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together and for the most part he treats me good.

            His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Mrs.Sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends now he was a great SMART hard working man though.
            But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common intellectually with my ex black american exhusband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together and for the most part he treats me good.

            His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Mrs.Sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends no, he was a great SMART hard working man though.
            But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common intellectually with my ex black american exhusband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together he provides for us which allows me to stay home and homeschool, he is fine and for the most part he treats me good.

            His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Mrs.sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didn’t work(both of us had no kids). However, we are best friends no, he was a great SMART hard working man though.
            But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common intellectually with my ex black american ex-husband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together he provides for us which allows me to stay home and homeschool, he is fine and for the most part he treats me good.

            His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Mrs.sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didn’t work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends no, he was a great SMART hard working man though.
            But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common intellectually with my ex black american ex-husband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together he provides for us which allows me to stay home and homeschool, he is fine and for the most part he treats me good.

            His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Mrs.Sanneh says:

            @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!!  I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends no, he was a great SMART hard working man though. 
            But now I’m  married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire  my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common  intellectually with my black american exhusband  than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud.  But I often still  have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together he provides for us which allows me to stay home and homeschool, he is fine and for the most part he treats me good. 

             His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people!  Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

          • Reading your reply dafug.. Have me great pleasure and a good laugh! My sentiments exactly! I’m engaged to a Ghanaian and I feel the same. Lol!

          • Mrs. Coco Dennis says:

            Clap clap clap bravo & I agree with you sister whole heartedly! I’m in a new relationship with a Liberian man & I’m AA with many cultures in me. Egyptian, The Geechi & Cherokee tribes, Caribbean & Irish. I know my roots & my culture. I also know my African man & I are connected through the Geechi tribe and before that, Egypt. He’s been in America for 25 years & is very Americanized & African at the same time. We love ❤ each other for the people that we are together regardless of some bourgeois acting front for bs sake. He is different than AA men but I won’t say better than because I still have respect for my ancestors from the four corners of the Earth. Yes Africa is the Mother Land & we are her children. I’m very much into the. African culture as well as my Native American culture & even my Irish culture. So don’t say AA men don’t have culture because my grand father taught us very well & he also raised a farm. I was born in NYC & I finished school down South. My late mom called it the top & the bottom. My sons & daughters will also know this & so will my African man as I already teach them and they also teach me. More importantly, the sex with my man is so Edenic & he smells so good, so natural & clean. The only thing he needs at this point is rubbing alcohol. We keep that in my culture to keep our skin & pores clean & to cut down on infections & disease. He & I both are dedicated to each other & we’re already talking long term goals, even marriage. I’d love ❤ to marry him & practice making lots of babies because that rough sex is the bomb to me. Really if we never have any together I know he’ll be happy with helping me raise mine. He is so good to me I’m looking forward to sharing my world & my culture with him for life.

          • Love it lol thank you

          • Yes!!!

        • Actually that’s not true Queen! African Americans weren’t always slaves in North America there’s plenty of literature that you can look into starting with the Moors that will show you how African Americans built this country and we were leaders we weren’t always slaves. The Indians weren’t always depicted red colored people only a lot of Indians where just as dark complected as Africans.

          Check out the Cahokia mountain in Cahokia Illinois, it is actually a pyramid that has been covered up to look like a grass mountain, ,it’s covered up so that people will not relate or connect the pyramids in Egypt /Acubelon. Black people are suffering from amnesia in the west way.

      • I think typical American still lacks good culture habits, I’m an Asian married to African. I see many acquaintances and friends from America dating Africans, and really I feel they are going nowhere happy. First, Africans respects their elders, u don’t address somebody older than u by their name. I dated African Americans before, when I was a single mom, and he insisted that my son call him by his name not uncle or brother. to me that’s kind of rude. u have no regards for somebody elder than u. second, my American friends controls their African partners like children, u can’t do that to a man, u have to learn to be domesticated, and ur African husband will cherish you with so much love, there’s no such thing as trophy wife in African culture, u gotta earn it. African culture no.3 they like crowd and having fellow brothers and sisters gather a lot, sometimes even to the late wee hours, I have guests still in my living room chit chatting with my husband, though not all the time, but when it happens u have to have tolerance, rather than u get pissed about it, u join in. I see American friends even write up house rules and stick it on their Front door, i think thats rude. In africain culture, ur not happy about it, u tell it to their face, use humour if u can. Thermes no néed to hold grudges, I learnt all these from my African husband, and I’m very happy with my family and husband. well, since ur American, learn to give ur African husband, what he needs other than ur green card! Lol.

      • Lolololol! Right on!

      • I agree

      • Kimmie says:

        Thank you! Africans always say we don’t have culture but they try to dress like us, love our music and style. That’s not white people culture you like, it’s Black Americans! Correct your thinking.

    • Yvetta Heart says:

      I just couldn’t take reading this any longer…I want to vomit reading some of the things we as people will freely posted and call ourselves as having integrity. I honor all woman as I were taught, those who using women to get passport shame on them. Can’t you see how giving we are to our own, respect this and no games are needed. Don’t shame the hands that gives….ever! Africa women I see you as my sisters, who traditions should be celebrated not put down. For tradition teaching us all the greatest gifts there is……loving someone else besides ourselves. I’m a Georgian and my ancestors would turn in their grave hearing some of this foolishness. Love???……American women love hard our own and sometimes it is with many mistakes,but never use a heart to get what you want when just being a friend is enough. Shame on us all!!!!………Our tongue are just as foul as the dirt we cultivate. Ladies be ladies, bad mouthing others won’t being you honor neither. Make wiser choices and always humble yourselves and state with clarity, I can’t marry you not knowing you in person, but I can help you. Integrity and worth go’s a long way from home if your not wearing it’s coat. Tradition my roots are soak in them. Be good or learn to be quiet as my grandparents would speak. Africa women be proud of who you are and in knowing all this…..LET US ALL BE QUEEN!

  3. Sure African men make better husbands…..if you don’t mind blindly obeying, never questioning, being belittled or even beaten occasionally for “misconduct” being humped on twice a day like a sex toy irregardless of your desire or risk hearing the teeth sucking and belittling if you ask for a break, knowing he’s sleeping with multiple women and disrespecting you by taking phone calls in another room, and having the sneaky audacity to bring another woman in your home and bed when he thinks you’re not around, if you are displeased with anything he does and bring it to his attention he throws a tantrum like a little boy, dealing with his mother and sisters jump on you about how poorly you take care of their “little boy” much like the African women jumped on the American in the vignette, knowing that rearing children is women’s work meaning that he only plays with your child when he/she is happy but shoving them in your face for a diaper change or when they cry. I think the African view of marriage is based on a. Polygamy and b. Men are the breadwinners. Polygamy because Africans are notorious for cheating which must be a strong genetic predisposal…I.e. 70% of married Nigerians men and women have cheated multiple times on their spouses. Traditionally whoever makes the money calls the shots. In those days women were not educated and domestics cooking and cleaning. And to be frank you don’t bite the hand that feeds you, so you supported whatever he said as long as he provided. So I say all of this just to offer another viewpoint…yes american men have problems but so do Africans…your women were raised to be submissive which is great for you but American women as a whole are conditioned to be independent so the only hand to be bitten is our own…we will not submit to someone who we feel we are not respected by…also you may not see the list above as disrespectful but in our eyes it is. Also to the gentleman who commented about precieved lack of american culture…that is a very ignorant statement just because women do not submit…we have our own culture which we have assimilated and adapted to our own. Its all about perception

    Proud “African” American woman who dated a Cameroonian for over a year.

    PS I have several Nigerian married friends who have verified these characteristics

    • I have been involved with a married African man for over a year. I met him at work. He was going through a divorce when I met him, but the wife wanted to come back and work it out for the kids. After a year, he let her come back and I found myself being in the middle of a mess. By this time I was already in love with him and I was pregnant. He insisted that I have an abortion and finally I gave in almost dying, but we had an argument and he was MIA. We have had many ups and downs and I’ve broke it off numerous times, but keep falling back into his arms. We are happy one day and then he flips out on me the next. I’m not playing the victim because I knew better. He and the wife were suppose to be splitting up and sending the kids to live with his family. I saw him last week and we were okay. Then, he flipped out on me saying I treat him like a child because I handed him his tee shirt while getting dressed, and I asked him if he wanted pepper on his fries. He also complained about sex saying I wasn’t into it and there must be something wrong with me. I tried calling him on Sat and he would not answer. I asked if I could meet him and he said no. He said he is not in the right frame of mind, and request that I give him some space. He usually calls every morning and evening. He didn’t call yesterday either, but he was at work. I finally called him and he answered saying,”Don’t call this phone because it is being monitored.” Then he said that why he said he needed his space and would call me when he got to work. He never did. Then he returned from taking the kids and continued treating me like dirt. He told me to get busy because he has lots of things to deal with, and he continues to treat me like dirt. I asked him if it was someone else, and he said you have any proof. Then he said he works two jobs and doesn’t have time. He flipped out on me again after I was giving him advice and said I’m trying to control him. I just lost the 2nd child and he wouldn’t respond when I told him about it. He only responded after I lost it saying sorry for the pain. Farewell. I mailed all of his things to his house including any gifts. He said he questions if the baby was even his, and I was a mistake that hurt his family and his kids. I was always the one trying to send him back to his family to see if it could work. I really loved this man, but he told me to stay the hell away from him and his employment. I realize now that all I was to him was a piece of A@@, and it really hurts. In my heart, I know it’s over. All I wanted was for it to end on a decent note. If he wanted his family back, or was seeing another woman, he made an agreement to let me know. But I guess it was all a lie. He won’t talk to me at all so I guess I didn’t mean a thing to him. I met a woman in my class who is from Cameroon also and I figured out everything he told me was a lie. His wife had never left. he was also sleeping with a few coworkers. Everything he had told me about his life in Cameroon was a lie. I’ve been hurt before but never to this degree. The mental abuse, being put down. He almost destroyed me. I was going to move to Canada and marry this man, but thank God it ended. The side effects still remain. One thing for sure I was a fool. I will never date another African man. I don’t mind being a partner to a man, but to be degraded, humiliated, and made to feel like you’re nothing is dehumanizing to me.

      • Neither of you sound capable or inclined to conducting healthy relationships and children being amongst that makes it even worse. That story is just so sad and It may be worth you seeking help in the way of a psychiatrist.

      • Tiffany Bell says:

        I truly understand. I am a black American woman. I have been with a African man from the Congo. We have been in a relationship for 8 years. He has been married for 30+ plus years. I am his first sexual lover. N I am married too. To a American black man. Even though we have this affair we have been in love more than we are to our spouses. Were both getting a divorce now. N the issues we have is trust n honesty. Now I’m in too deep n he keeps hurting me with the same issues his wife had. Now I’m stuck in love dealing with a cheating ass Congolese man.

    • Thank you so much for the post! I am a very unhappy African American woman married to a man from Ghana. Maybe just my experience what I’m going through. I have filed for divorce!!

  4. Id’ Have to agree with Tyesha 100%! I dated an African Man, My best friend is also an African Man. When it comes to being in a relationship with African Men, the one thing I do applaud them for over African-American men, is they have a strong belief in Tradition. They stay with their families, which most African American men, I’d have to say differently. Most African- American men do not believe in loyalty. But here is the thing, African Men, do not believe Marriage as something that means “commitment”. They just see Marriage as something that only belongs to them and they don’t see it as a 50/50 thing between the husband and wife. To them it is just The Husband, and the rest of the house. To them as long as you have loyalty and tradition, they don’t need to be committed to you. As for African American Men, “90%” of them see marriages or relationships, as a trophies to hang up on their shelf to say “I accomplished that”. 90% of them don’t believe in loyalty, commitment, or tradition. It’s like this, with an African Man you will get all the “loyalty” you want, with good “tradition”, but expect no commitment, and along with it comes a lot of heart ache, mistreatment, and disrespect. with African-American Men, there is a 1 out of 10 chance you’ll be blessed to find a guy with all 3 characteristics, loyalty, tradition, and commitment. Although, he can be found, however It’s 2013, times have changed! I say, why focus on comparing the two when we have plenty other groups and ethnicities waiting to be explored! Just my opinion! 🙂

  5. shameem says:

    tI think that we should stop trying to be better then one another ….in our difference we all can learn & each have something special to offer…..Sick of the segregation among All Black ppl AA or A however u like ………as long as we have this ignorance we will all suffe

  6. Camera Mbuga says:

    Chinyere,

    If being better depends on how both sets of men have been socialized then I am afraid the African man has an advantage over the African American. I also feel like most people get it wrong when they judge the whole by the parts … There are as many countries in Africa as there are states in America and within these countries are another diversity of tribal sub-cultures, traditions and customs that altogether explain the advantage any given African man holds over his erstwhile brothers. Its a pity that over time,owing to society’s overreaching influence these values are lost in a similar way the African Americans eventually did. This is not to blame but to mourn their predicament and circumstances. To all those who choose to differ on the African man being a better pick due to a few bad seeds, take courage from the fact that we are all affected by our environment, nevertheless we still choose to be better but with less leverage. That African men are also a polygamous lot and lack commitment is far fetched n the light of the fact monogamy is simply the law of the land and is not the definition of commitment. The family of my great grandfather and many of his peers’ lived long and happily in polygamous settings … except in a few incidences women were very content to share a man … I’ve seen genuine commitment in such African societal settings than in monogamous ones. Dissenting views are welcome to debate but its to me an objective reality that many in the so called civilized world for some reasons just don’t want to believe. The absurdity is their biased influence has an overreaching effect. The bottom point is, we all have the capacity to be better people irrespective of our racial or cultural differences; this ability is however being constantly corrupted by principalities beyond our understanding.

  7. I am a Greek white woman living in UK, married to an Igbo Nigerian man who has been showing all the characteristics Treysha mentions and in addition discovered that that 2 months ago on his last visit in Nigeria he married an Igbo woman which he claims was forced to do for family reasons. Now tell me how do I justify to my son?! What does that teach my son?! What future can my family have after all the cheats and lies?! If I knew this would happen to me I would never had allow my self to love him and fell in love with him but moreover would never had a family with him.

  8. I have been involved with a married African man from Cameroon for over two years. I met him at work. He was going through a divorce when I met him, but the wife wanted to come back and work it out for the kids. He let her come back and I found myself being in the middle of a mess after a year. By this time I was already in love with him and I was pregnant. He insisted that I have an abortion and finally I gave in almost dying, but we had an argument and he was MIA. We have had many ups and downs and I’ve broke it off numerous times, but keep falling back into his arms. We are happy one day and then he flips out on me the next. I’m not playing the victim because I knew better, but I need to know the real deal.He and the wife are suppose to be now splitting up and sending the kids to live with his family. I saw him last week and we were okay. Then, he flipped out on me saying I treat him like a child because I handed him his tee shirt while getting dressed, and I asked him if he wanted pepper on his fries. He also complained about sex saying I wasn’t into it and there must be something wrong with me. I tried calling him on Sat and he would not answer. I asked if I could meet him and he said no. He said he is not in the right frame of mind, and request that I give him some space. He usually calls every morning and evening. He didn’t call yesterday either, but he was at work. I finally called him and he answered saying,”Don’t call this phone because it is being monitored.” Then he said that why he said he needed his space and would call me when he got to work. He never did. Then he returned from taking the kids and continued treating me like dirt. He told me to get busy because he has lots of things to deal with, and he continues to treat me like dirt. I asked him if it was someone else, and he said you have any proof. Then he said he works two jobs and doesn’t have time. He flipped out on me again after I was giving him advice and said I’m trying to control him. I just lost the 2nd child and he wouldn’t respond when I told him about it. He only responded after I lost it saying sorry for the pain. Farewell. I mailed all of his things to his house including any gifts. He said he questions if the baby was even his, and I was a mistake that hurt his family and his kids. I I realize now that all I was to him was a piece of A@@, and it really hurts.In my heart, I know it’s over. Despite everything, I tried to see if we could just end it on a decent note, but he just continued to call me crazy, drama queen, immature, not worth it etc.. I was actually going to move to Canada and marry this man. I met a woman from Cameroon in my class and she ensured me that everything he told me was a lie. There were no divorce proceedings. Even what he told me about his life in Africa was a lie. I’ve never trusted someone so much and it hurts like hell, but I’m counting my blessing. Tyesha is so right. I thought it was me and blamed myself when he use to flip out if I didn’t do something or questioned anything. He would take calls in the other room or outside, and text other women in front of my face saying it was his male friends.

  9. I am an African and i will only be with an African American woman. They complete me better than my African sisters.

  10. This conversation alone is pathetic whether African American or African from the Motherland were all African if you knew our history you would be discussing this topic like a people we have been separated as a people due to slavery. Divide and conquer is the name of the game.as long as we dont see each other as a people divides by location we will remain conquered. I will only marry my men and that’s the bottomline. Whether African American. Nigerian Ethiopian Jamaican. Etc. We are Gods chosen people we are what the bible says about God’s chosen people scattered amongst the nation’s that’s us African people. Our Ancestors were slaves all over the world and the mind fuck fucked us all up. We call ourselves everything but a people. Liberate your minds my people. Arguing about what man is better. The Bible did say my people suffer from a lack of knowledge. Its true. Wake up pick up a book and learn your history.

  11. Shameem says:

    I agree Out of Many we are all one ! We r all Africans! yet my bother I must say because we have been rob n sold by our own we have some small difference yet far more in common …..I am a born American ..

  12. I am half Somali and half African American and I must admit that African men make better boyfriends. I am not married as of yet so I cant confirm that they make better husbands. I have dated a Kenyan and a Cameroonian and also some African Americans. I will say no matter what race they are, no one is perfect. There’s flaws in all of us. Its how you choose to deal with those flaws that determines your destiny with him or her. I couldn’t help but read some above comments. If you stay in an unhealthy relationship, regardless of what race they are, that’s YOUR decision. Let’s not play this pity party game stating what you’re dealing with at home with your African man that you chose. Show your man how he should love you if you’re unhappy. Have faith especially if you have a family. African men are irresistible! They’re manly, strong, awesome in bed, and confident. They know what they want and wont EVER give up.

    I am awaiting my African King despite you all.

  13. grass patches says:

    I love my husband rom Senegal, but don’t think we will remain married. I want him to have his citizenship, before I we divorce. My husband assumes respect for self, but disregards my feelings and emotions, he says it is ok or him to do this because he pays the bills. WOW

  14. I have just finished with nigerian man as was together two years and hsve baby together .he is not efectionat he sees son once a mnt if babys lucky .we had plans to move in together get engaged and as soon as he got leave to stay in england he naw change mind .he no want ristrictions he wana be free .his priority is him n his money .he hates to put hand in pocet for son .its a shame .im sure not all are like this as no five fingers are same .

  15. I am married to a Nigerian man and couldn’t be happier. I am so in love with him it’s hard to even describe. He is my rock, my strength, my biggest supporter and is always concerned with my feelings. He irons my clothes for work and tells me you are my queen baby let me do it for you. He is an amazing step father to my children and a wonderful role model. My family adores him also. He never complains about anything other than me not getting enough rest. He helps out in the house without being asked. He is truly a gift from god. He is so incredibly gentle and so passionate in the same aspect. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me. He says he’s never known love like the way I love him and he will spend everyday for the rest of our lives cherishing the love we have. I don’t think it’s african vs anything. Either you have a good man or you don’t! There are wonderful men of all races and horrible ones too. I thank his mother everyday for raising such a wonderful man. Our cultures are very different so it was hard to understand how to read him at first but we communicate openly and it’s the best relationship I’ve ever had. I’m very blessed

    • Michelle says:

      lucky you, my nigerian husband does not help in the house, and does nothing for his step children. he does not believe its his place to d anything but the once in a blue moon that he does i should be grateful (thats what he tells me)

      he does not work and does not seem to want to but has no problem going to the betting shop each week, If i have extra money i give it to him to send to his family when they need it. leaving my kids out of pocket. tells me i should be submissive as its what the bible says.

      he does not want to be around my friends or my family and complains when i say it to him. he does not come to bed at night he sleeps on the couch and when i point this out its another argument.

      if he writes to gives i ask who it is im told its none of my business or its his girlfriend just to piss me off and wonders why there is trouble.

      i am so tied of him at this stage im ready to leave him n found out i am 9 weeks pregnant.

      • AJ Johnson says:

        I am an African American woman and I raised 4 children by myself my mother raised 6. I would Kick his a@@ out and don’t look back. 2 of my children were boys one is Air force the other a crain operator, one has been married for at least 8 years the other for over ten to a young woman who’s mother is the God Mother to my first born. So our families have been family for over 35 years. I RAISED my sons deliberately to love, adore, honor and cherish their woman no matter where they came from. My youngest sons’ wife is French. They adore each other as much today as they did the day they were married. For those that say we have no culture try this one on for size I was a mother at the age of 16 married to my husband for 10 years left his butt for cheating because I did not want my children, sons or daughters to think for one moment that they had to stay in a relationship with anyone that treated them with disdain nor neglect, I took full care of my children. I depended on no man, woman nor child, I raised my children to love, honor, and respect themselves and others. I RAISED my sons to be good men. It is the place of the women, Afro-American, and African , Caucasian and any other nationality to RAISE our children to be the people we want them to be. I taught my sons as well as my daughters to not be hoochies, whores or promiscuous. To respect their bodies and to choose men and women that they would respect. I also told them that NO ONE and I mean no ONE that was not good enough for them to marry was not good enough to have my grandchildren. My sons are African American men and their wives do nothing but praise them and thank me all the time for teaching them the words, honor, love, respect, father, cherish, husband and loyalty. And they know that I would break them in half if I ever thought that they did anything less. I met and dated a man from Cameroon for the past 4 months then I found out that every other word out of his mouth was a lie. He was a fantastic lover but the fact that I can not abide a liar was all that it took. It broke my heart to find out that this beautiful man was just a snake in the grass. I give my all to a person, I will work, cook, clean and worship the ground that my man stands on if he is a good, honorable man. I will look at him through rose colored glasses for the rest of my life but i will be damned if i will tolerate anything less than what i give. I am grateful for a man that gives what he gets in return. I will bitch slap a man that offers me anything less. I would be remiss as a mother if i did anything less. i refuse to teach my daughters that they are second class citizens and I refuse to raise my sons to think that women are here just for their pleasure. I am a strong woman and i raised strong children both male and female. And i will not let any man their father included make them less than who and what they should be or less than what God intended them to be. my sons are not whores for the women of this world and my daughters are not whores for the men of this world. They are proud young men and women who will accept nothing less than what they deserve. And they learned that from their mother, not society. If women took the time to actually raise their kids both male and female the proper way we would not be having these discussions. My kids father was not in their lives after we split, it was his choice not mine but i am happy that he wasn’t because it gave me the opportunity to raise my children as I saw fit. My sons raised in a family of black women learned to protect and cherish their women. But i also raised strong young women with a great deal of pride and respect for themselves. So my sons knew what type of women to look for.

  16. I have dated a guy from Senegal…that was a bad choice for me. He was a chronic liar despite having the most beautiful skin and smile. He even would get busted lying and just kind of downplay everything. He was very, very selfish. Any small thing he did for me he wanted me to do cartwheels for it. I also found out he was already married to some other African American woman.

    Now I am with a guy from Cameroon and he is younger than me but he treats me really good, like a queen. He has even asked me to come with him when he goes back home to visit. I fell in love with him right away. He is nothing like the one from Senegal as far as I can tell. We are still learning each other but so far so good. He never hides anything from me and knows that I will check it all out, thoroughly. I feel at peace around him.

    My sister is married to a guy from Ghana and he is a very good man to her. They have been together 10 years and have a family. She is a stay-at-home wife and they are operator/owners of 2 trucks. He isn’t affectionate but he will tell you why he loves her.

    • I’m talking for Africa now he seems very nice but I am American women and I wonder does African man really love American women I’m not sure

  17. I have been married for 38 years to my ghanian husband I have 3 beautifull children and 5 fantastic grandchildren my children are a son aged 36 and 2 daughters aged 32 and 34 my grandchildren are 2 boys and 3 girls aged 1 to 16 years old my husband has been going backwoods and forwards regularly for 3 years now in 2013 he went for 4 months retired took his pension and built a big 4 bed roomed house in Ghana for himself so he said I had a aorta bypass had pneumonia and a collapsed lung and was in a coma he came back then went again to carry on with the house back home this year febuary I had a blocked gut repaired I hadn’t eaten or drank for a year I just kept sticking it up I was in total agony on morphine in the end I went from 15 and a half stone to just over 6 stone but still went back home and left me by myself to build his house none of my grandchildren or children live near me and all work hard but tried to help as much as they could now he has gone again for a year he says he wants to live in ghana he never wanted to come here he has an ex wife and a son 45 who lives with him and his grandson and 4 great grand children he married me I know now for a visa can some one pls give me some advice

  18. Antoinette says:

    Heck no! All men are the same in many ways. The fact that an African American woman decided to embarrass the rest of us is disparaging to me. African American women can be domesticated as well, this is not limited to African women. And while there are some AA women who aren’t, there are just as many African women who aren’t as well.
    My husband is Nigerian-American, but hardly American in some respects. There’s no emotional affection at times and he expects me to be “hard” or carry this rough exterior like his mother when I just don’t feel like it. When I met him, he tried his best to be as American as possible, there were few times that he’d even try to speak his family’s language, Ibibio. Now, all I hear is him “trying” to talk in Ibibio and I must admit, I’m a bit annoyed.
    However, he is a hard worker like most Nigerian men that I’ve encountered. On the same token, he’s stubborn, authoritative, and arrogant. Two authoritative people can not meet eye to eye, I would know.
    Bottom line, no distinction should be made between African men and any other man God created on planet earth. All men can be cocky, all men can be authoritative, and all men are just plain annoying at some point to their women. Men are men are men are men lol.

  19. When i found this story today, i could not believe what i was reading!!!!!!!!!!! What i know and believe is this; No matter the race or religion or culture…men will be what they are!!! I am a pure african woman born and breed! i have dated white men and black..both african and african american.. so really i know that a relationship will be what you and your partner make it! even a marriage..!!!!!! and if i was to make a choice on who i wuold like to spend the rest of man life with,i would choose a man who respects me and and understands that it takes two to make the partnership work regardless of race ,culture and religion!!!!

    • Amen! It seems like Mariam you have made the best argument in this post in such a small paragraph. Men are men from different cultures, but it is true that one should judge the person individually and how he treats, respects, a loves a woman regardless of his race or creed. Have you people read what Martin Luther said about, how it is best “to judge a person by their “character” and not by race or creed?
      Bj

  20. Dear chinyere. It all depends on individual, but generally African men, does treat their wives like maid. Especially egoistic igbo men. But I’m lucky enough to be married to an Edo man who is fully supportive nd caring with anything I do, even from houseworks to caring for our since the day they were born. he’s a very loyal man, so expressive with his love even aftr years of marriage. sometimes I dont even feel he’s African, cos generally African husband can’t do all that. he’s such a hands on dad, that even cared for newborn babies. He respects motherhood, and always in awe whenever he remembers how I gave birth to his children. He even fathers my first born like his own. And yes, my first born biological father was an igbo man who left us without conscience. But if I don’t open up about it, nobody can tell if my husband kid my son’s stepfather. Cos the love he gave us is unconditional, he even dislikes me saying he’s the stepfather, to him he’s the father.I dunno bout u guys, but my African husband is a rare gem. .

  21. NO they do not make better husbands!!! im living proof IM A BLACK AMERICAN WOMAN MARRIED TO ONE some of them are brainwashed into believing everything they here about americans and mine is a hard worker but not his other associates!! HE IS ARROGANT AND TRYS TO CONTROL ME!! SNEAKY AND MANIPULATIVE. HE IS ALSO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!! So no they dod not its all about an individuals personality and if they make you happy! not about where someone was born!! Wow you people are ignorant if you believe where someone was born makes them a better husband or wife!!! this world is crazy!!

  22. Mrs.Sanneh says:

    @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!! I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends no, he was a great SMART hard working man though.
    But now I’m married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common intellectually with my ex black american exhusband than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud. But I often still have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together he provides for us which allows me to stay home and homeschool, he is fine and for the most part he treats me good.

    His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people! Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

  23. @dafuq? First off loved your second paragraph so true especially the last sentence!!!!  I’m a Black american woman who was married to a Black American man for 5years, but we have known each other for 12years it just didnt work.(both of us had no kids) However, we are best friends now, he was a great , SMART , hard workings man though. 
    But now I’m  married with two children to an African man(Gambian). But I still respect and admire  my black American men..(To be honest I had more in common  intellectually with my black american exhusband  than I do with my african husband) . So I agree with every statement you made. My husband is a good,hardworking man but he tried that same thing..trying to control and act like he knows everything…but i had to nip it in the bud.  But I often still  have to remind him to not act or make ignorant comments about our brothers. Because my Gambian Muslim husband is not perfect he has flaws….like if the conversation is not about what he likes than he looks weird or acts uninterested:| so no African man are not perfect. I love him because we share two beautiful babies together he provides for us which allows me to stay home and homeschool, he is fine and for the most part he treats me good. Until recently he just left me and our two children without anything 8month old and a2yr old…he has been gone over two weeks without calling or coming to see his babies!!!! No they do not make better husbands.

     His african female friends love me for being myself and not pretending to be something I’m not… and i love them they are not like this bloggers friends. It’s sad but most people in general are so brainwashed it is pathetic…its even more sad when your own kind (african people) can’t pick up a book to know the truth about our history in its entirety!! Instead of listening to what they have been MADE to believe by media and other ignorant people!  Like you i too wish i was at that table..lol never back down!! I think your statement pretty much sums up the bloggers question. Thanks sister!!

  24. This is a silly and divisive article. Men are men. Some are good, some are bad irrespective of culture. The African and African American sisters behaved like poorly. I’m ashamed of all of you.

    • alliyah caribbean girl says:

      I was in a relationship at work with a Nigerian man for over the past 8 months or so. I am caribbean. Very outgoing. Independent but knows how to cook, loves taking care of my man and home. But i deserve respect and love in the same way. The man is my king as i am his queen. First few weeks were beautiful of course, always are. He lacked the emotional maturity but kept saying it takes him time. He pursued me hard in the beginning even when I resisted. He ended up getting his way I guess. I let him know early on about my feelings. I fell so hard for him. He seemed honest and sweet. However, he was always stubborn, had to control every situation, say where we went and when, but it seemed harmless at first. If he saw me talking to other men in the office he would stop talking to me, hold back sex and act moody. I too can be territorial so I get that but his was really childish. I asked about why I never got to go out and meet his friends he said for African men they don’t commercialize their girlfriends! What does that mean! We never would go out dancing or to bars with other people, but he would with his friends. Not sure if he had been seeing other people or just not want to be seen with me. If I would start pulling away he would come back bc he craved the attention. He was an egotist and narcissist. After a few disagreements, he would shut me out completely, no calls or texts. His way of punishing me, he even called it my punishment. He started to see that I was not going to just give in and accept his bs, so he called everything off saying let’s be friends. I am so angered and hurt that I put myself through this. But I can’t let him stay thinking this is how you treat a woman. You are not above anyone. Only God is. He made me feel dehumanized and demoralized, just discarding me after he was done with me. And isn’t even sorry one bit. I have let him know that how terrible he has treated me and trust me dont think he will even blink an eye how egotistical he is. This has been enlightening to read there is some truth to stereotypes unfortunately. I have dated 2 other Nigerians and although one exhibited some of these characteristics not all if them are like that. Each person us different. Unfortunately this one took me down a dark path that I am having a very hard time shaking.

  25. This is complete bullshut. African women need to wake the fuck up. African men and african American men are both the lowest of scums. both cheat, one has too many baby momma this baby daddy that. The other uses the bible and God to defend every damn thing they do when they know damn well that shit is wrong. African women are so gullible so are black women in America . Pleaseeeeeeweeeeee in african culture it is ingrated into people’s mind that women are second class citizen. Again the bible and God is used to defend this. African women are not maids, no they SLAVES under their husband rule. African men just want their women to be submissive and stay home to take care of the kids, cook, and clean and even when you are tired they still expect you to be good in bed. Yet they still have the audacity to cheat! This is just some fuckery. I can never be under NO man and I’m not ready to become a slave either that’s why I can never marry an African man even if my parents wanted me too. it’s time to wake up from this sick fairy- tales of yours and stop defending African men ESPECIALLY nigerian men.

    • I don’t know which African men and women you are talking about. There is no doubt that there is cheating going on, but African men don’t have a monopoly on that. African women are some of the most progressive women in the world. Some retards believe that African women just stay home to take care of their children, when in fact African women have progressed to the positions of Heads of State and Prime Ministers, when here in America, no woman has ever been President or even Vice President, speaker of the house or Senate President. More than 12 African women have been Presidents, Deputy Presidents, speakers, and in Rwanda, 55% of the legislators are women. Listen, before you open your mouth to talk, get to know who you are talking about, please. Thank you. African women have achieved and continue to achieve and excel in many areas of endeavor.

    • Everything said negative about African men is true. That is why there are literally thousands and thousands and still more thousands of comments and stories over the internet testifying to the fact that American women have been used and abused by them. Nigerians are some of the worst. They are almost all scammers. Why else do you think they would passionately fall in love with you within a month or two and then turn into abusive, unaffectionate, SELFISH, arrogant, harsh, disrespectful people that they really are almost overnight? This is a horrible, poor, third world country with a corrupt government that could care less about its people and also does not care if its people are corrupt. Money rules. They are coming to this country to get what they want and use women to do so. Most African men do not want to stay here and you will find out if you stay with one long enough. Being sweet and passionate to you is part of the act, the scam. They can be sitting right in their room overseas with another woman while talking all of this to you!!! It is their job. All they really care about is themselves and their families and you are so desperate for love that you will fall for it and give and give and give and they will take and take and take until you have nothing left. I know I am married to one, have been to Africa multiple times etc. They are different than American men. MOST EVERYONE OF THEM IS SCAMMING YOU TO GET OUT OF THE CRAPPY, CORRUPT, FRUITLESS, BARREN COUNTRY OF NIGERIA WITH BARELY ANY RUNNING WATER OR ELECTRICITY AND ENOUGH HOLES IN THE ROADS TO BURY THE DEAD THAT IS FULL OF DISEASE AND FILTH WITH MILLIONS WITHOUT WORK!!! THIS IS NOT JUST NIGERIA… SIERRA LEONE, GHANA, CAMEROON, CONGO…. YOU GET THE POINT? THESE COUNTRIES ARE SO POOR THAT I HAVE ARMY SOLDIERS AND POLICE OFFICERS BEG AND ASK ME FOR MONEY. THEY HAVE FOUND THAT TALKING SWEET AND LOVE TO YOU WILL GET THEM OUT OF THESE COUNTRIES. THE MAJORITY ARE JUST USING YOU UP. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED AGAIN.

      • Yes! I couldn’t agree with u more Carole, I’m an AAW married to a Nigerian man, I meet him through a mutual friend and he started off like thee most PERFECT man! We got married 2 months after we meet, I was love struck! than about 6 months later the honeymoon was over!! He began recieving phone calls in the middle of the night from Nigeria, I would ask who that is calling this time of night,he would get so irate and defensive, stating its non of my business who calls his phones. I would respond back and say long as we married it’s my business! Than he started just keeping his phone on silent. I don’t trust him , he has a great career and is a provider for our home, however a piece of mind is priceless! I married him because I loved him!! I feel my husband just married me to be able to stay in this U.S. after completing his master’s degree, so he wouldn’t have to go back to his shitty corrupted country when people are thirsty they will take desperate measures to get what they want.. If he doesn’t get his act together I’m leaving his arrogant mean ass!

  26. Christine says:

    Sorry, i am married to a nigerian man from B.City and he is a piece of sh*t. Always argues, dont listen, always correct, dont remember our conversations – i could go on.

  27. Elizabeth says:

    I am a 45 year old Mexican,Greek,Caucasian women ,getting ready to marry a 38 year old Gambian man ,we met over line about 8 years ago,I think we have an amazing relationship but I dont want to b a victim of cheating an lies,we chatted for 8 yrs an for some reason instead of being friends all these years,we decided who is going to love us more then we do,I have read so many negative stories on here,I honestly dont know what to believe,im leaving November 5 th 2015 to marry him an I just want to make sure this is the rite thing to do ,we have never went a day in 8 years without talking an video chatting morning noon an nite,we both feel our love for each other is a blessing from Allah an that after all these years of both of us praying for Allah to bring someone with a pure heart into our life we found each other,when we were there for each other the whole time, I read all negative things an I just want to make sure after 8 years our love is true an not built up on lies an deceat,j talk to all his family including aunts an uncles ,hes a clearing agent in Gambia an a very hard working man,,just starting to get little confused maybe just from things ive been reading,someone please just give me some reassurance on what my heart feels

    • I am a Gambian man and I know quite a lot of Gambians who are are faithful in their relationships and they will stay honest with you for ever.Follow yours heart .And I believe good and bad people exist everywhere ,But People do not need to slam a whole race of African men over the few bad apples you have dealt with…Besides there is a positive side to all criticisms.. Good luck.

  28. Most likely he wants a green card from you. If you don’t want to be a victim, marry him for at least 2 years before starting to initiate his paper. If he brings up the conversation, or you feel like he is forcing the issue, then he is after you for his benefit. I am an African woman living in the States. I met many African men who marry African US citizens and Americans for their papers. You have to understand the african culture. In our culture, a man is free to marry and court many women even if if they are married. This is ingrained in their brains, so most likely, you will fall victim. I am not sugar coating anything for you. My stupid cousin who is a US citizen married twice 2 senegalese men who divorced her after they obtain their green cards. They didn’t even wait for their citizenship. They left her with a total of 5 kids on welfare. I was married to 2 african men from different countries but they already had their american citizenship. Hell no will I give any man a citizenship. I divorced them because of lying and cheating. I should have known better because I am African. They were surprised when I wanted a divorce because they each told me that I am an African woman and I am supposed to accept them like that. Again, hell no. With all these diseases, and the disrespect. No way jose. I took my decision to never date an African man. They are not that attractive, primitive, disrespectful, and the n=1 womanizer on God green earth. So you have been warned and good luck.

    Before I forget, I met many delusional african women who swear up and down that their husband don’t cheat lol. The only reason, I caught my 2 husbands was because I checked their phone and found my evidences. If I have never checked, I would never know. That’s how slick they are.

    • Chera teussa says:

      I met a Nigerian..the worst ever!!! Negative comments..negative attitude..african-king mentality disorder..not affectionate..believes in hardlove- sooo very stupid he doesnt believe in showing affection.. Must be the way he was brought up by his TigerMum.. He doesnt want to be asked about his day, whereabouts.. Doesnt want to ne probed….and is soo rude in responding your quieries..
      He doesnt listen..he only wants to critisize and critisize and he doesnt want to be treated the way hes treating his woman..
      The worst ever..attitude problem..he likes petty quartels..hea worst than a woman- hes more dramaking than the woman.. When hes upset he would always initiate a breakup always drops you as if hes an alphamale..hes not aware that hes an oxymoron.. Hes ugly in everything..esp the attitude

      • Right same here I’m tired

      • lol, I like how you put it Chera teussa :” african-king mentality disorder”. My only regret is the time I wasted dealing with African men.
        tee: I sympathize with you. I was in your shoes before, but the day you fall out of love, you will regret the time you wasted on your loser. As for me, I got tired living a life of stress, disrespect. Life is short and precious, plus they are many fishes in the sea. Try not to waste your time and move on. What helped me also, was browsing through dating sites just out of curiosity and seeing many successful good looking men and I was like damn what the hell I am doing, staying with this looser. The sad part is I made way more money, and way more educated than my husband. I was paying all the bills, and I look good. That wasn’t enough for him. He was after broke, nasty, uneducated silly hoes. When I dropped him, he tried to cling up on me and I was like hell no fool. Your time is up. One of the best decisions of my life.

  29. I’m dating a nigeria found out his been cheating and is married back home but I love him I’ve been with him three years and all he do is lie .I’m tired and won’t to move on but he made me fall in love what can I do.

    • Alvina Ben says:

      Just don’t set your heart up for disaster. Love yourself and you will see that you don’t need a man who lies and cheats on you

  30. I am african american. I met an Yoruba man online in 2009. We dated for six months and it was the worse experience I have ever had. He would have sex only for HIS enjoyment. He would lie about everything. One night 2010, I looked through his phone and there were texts from different women..He got mad with ME because I found out he was cheating and stopped calling and answering my calls. I was so hurt because I had fallen in love with him. He was not sorry and showed no remorse.
    Then this year, 5 years later he wants to start up again. He told me that he was single…I thought it would be different, but the same thing has happen again but worse. He actually told me this time that he was talking to another woman to my face. I was so hurt. He actually had the nerve to tell me that it was ok that he cheats but he did not want me to talk to other men.
    I decided to go on his facebook page and look at some of his “likes” (he has all his friends hidden) to trace down his connections. I found he had a WIFE in Nigeria..
    Oh yes, I immediately broke up with him. He still claims that is not his wife and he is not married even though I have proof of his wife confessing he undying love for him on FaceBook.

    • I am so sorry for your hurt and pain. Trust me it will go away but will take time like every thing else does. Keep strong my sister. I was once there with you. I was broken and hurt. I do not know if you are a godly or spiritual person but I will tell you that was one of the only things that kept me going. This was a test in my life and my dreams for me future, the devil (bad pun) was testing me in so many ways. I gave in a lot, but for whatever reasons. I believe him leaving was a true blessing. Let him go. Although I don’t wish bad on anyone else. Let him move on. Find his own. You deserve better my love. Trust me. One day soon you will know what I mean and you will celebrate that moment. You had the strength to say no, continue your life of being your own conqueror and cheerleader!!

  31. Lil Shorty says:

    I under everything yall is dicussing here. Alot of time people forget were their ancestors come from. Yes, we are addresses as black African Americans, but know why we are addressed as African Americas. We can’t judge a book by its cover. Everyone has their own mind and can think for theirselves. So u can not say every African is bad or every American is bad. We experience things by the relationships we hold with these men and women, but we can not judge our bad relationships on our future relationships. I’m dating a Ghana man and yes he is respectful, he shows me love. He is a well rised man. I respect him for being him. Alot of our African Americans and Africans needs to do their research on our cultures, because alot of our ancestors and their ancestors are from Africa. We all breathe the same air, shed the same blood, and we all are the same color, its just some of us are brown skinned, or light skinned and Africa is the same way. So, everyone makes mistakes. U can not speak for all men of any race. Just be careful of who u date. Get to know that person before jumping into a relationship. Their are alot of good men out their. My thing is to pray to God and let him lead that man thats your king into your arms and life.

  32. I have been with my senegalese husband for 9 years and married for 7 yrs and in late 2010 my husband stopped showing me love, affection, romantic intimacy or even saying he loved me. This made me feel like he was cheating on me and lead me to snoop because of his constant rejection. I’ve stuck it out because I love him and hoped it would change and it hasn’t. None of my actions of romance, affection, or compliments to him were/are reciprocated but I still love him. He also doesn’t take ownership for our misery, which means he feels like he isn’t wrong for his rejection/neglect of me. In addition he extremely private and sneeky.

    • Sounds like he pulled the old bait-and-switch on you. As soon as you got married he changed. I had similar problems with my Senegalese hubby never taking me out or doing anything with me. I still get affection and all of that butt I guess being American I want to have a rich life with him with adventures and memories. If you research Senegalese relationships they are very different from what have here in America. For instance when a man comes in the house he will speak to his children and other family members before speaking to his wife. Another example is the fact public displays of affection are considered disrespect over there. There is a certain amount of bending you will have to do in that relationship, however I don’t think showing more affection and being weak about it will solve your problems. They will take advantage of that. Those are the behaviors of the women in their country especially if he was born there it will only reinforce his beliefs and he will never change. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship and he will respect you more for it. I am a bit of a hothead I definitely will let him know when something is bothering me and not always in the nicest way. He says I complain too much however changes in his behavior after I flipped out on him or threaten to leave LOL. Then again he has told me he likes women with a little bit of attitude so don’t know if that will work for you but i do know You have to be strong with African man. Like an iron fist with a velvet glove. Then again maybe my man is just compatible with me and so much so that even when I flip out on him he understands where I’m coming from and makes efforts to make me happy. I feel as long as there is effort i can see is all worth it! But the Senegalese people are all very private and sneaky from what I’ve gathered. Also know that they are taught from birth that it is better to tell a pretty lie than The Ugly Truth. I’m Inspector Gadget so i find out everything eventually. Anyhoo, Good luck! Write me if you want to talk further. We have to stick together! Also google black American women with Senegalese men, there is a blog by that name that might help you understand him further. I found when I could contribute some of his behavior to culture art it made me feel better. I stopped taking it personal.

  33. I do realize I am off the subject. However, I would like to just plead that African and Black Americans stop (on both sides, because BOTH are guilty) focusing on the negative, differences, judging and displaying hate towards each other. I am American and married to an African man. We met in college, dated the entire time throughout and had a beautiful wedding. What both of us have learned is that are cultures are more alike than different when it comes to many things. Also, there are some good things that can be taken from both cultures to and some negative practices or bad habits that can be left from both. At the end of the day, it does not matter. Respect is something that everyone deserves and getting to know someone is always better than making assumptions. Everyone on this post I am sure have had experiences, but let that be that one experience and not the basis for all your future experiences. People spend so much time trying being ugly that the miss out on possibly meeting the love of their life or even possibly gaining a the best friend you ever had ( I am speaking of friendships with females). I love you all no matter what culture you come from. I really wish black people around the world can not stop hating each other so much because it just makes all of us as a race look dumb. Love you my African and American Black Sister.

    • Why do any of you even need to be married. You can have anything you want as long as you have a career: lovers, children, homes, vacations etc. Who needs them?

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