CHINYERE'S BLOG I went to a mini-conference the other day in New York about gender inequality. Then during a 30-minute lunch recess, some of the women gathered together and an argument erupted as to whether African men are better husbands than their African-American counterparts. The argument erupted because one of the women, an African-American, thought she was defending African women but what she did was open a hornet's nest. I am sure she meant no harm but we the African women there lashed at her, especially when we believed she was insulting us. She innocently began, "The way African men treat their wives like they are their maids is very sad," she said. But before she could even finish, we all jumped all over her and shouted "stop right there." One of the ladies jumped up and pointing a finger at her, shouted "Africans are better husbands than African-American men. Before you told us you were married for three years, if your husband was such a great husband who didn't treat you like a maid, why did you leave him or he left you? I am tired of you Americans always putting African women down as if we don't know anything, as if we are just "mummus" (all of us who knew what a "mummu" means burst into laughter, which means stupid). Let me tell you something, I've been married for 15 years, I am a medical doctor and so is my husband. The fact that I come home and make dinner for the family doesn't mean that I am a maid. It is my upbringing. Back home, of course, I would have a maid. I do this because that's how my mother brought me up." Then I chimed in and said, "I take great offense at you claiming my husband treats me like a maid. I am a lawyer and I have been married for 8 years. How many African households have you ever visited to see how we interact with our husbands in the house? We have two children, and yes, I cook and clean but that doesn't make me a maid. I respect my husband and he respects me. For reasons I don't want to say I will never marry an African-American man." Well, with that outburst, you would think that a lightning struck us as a quiet descended on us. We looked at one another. But it was the African-American lady who broke the ice. She said, "Wow you all don't have to gang up on me, I was only trying to defend African women." We all looked at one another and thought how stupid she sounded, but there was no time to continue the conversation. However, the question still remains, "Do African men make better husbands than African-American men?"
Do African Men Make Better Husbands?
October 23, 2012 by 86 Comments